


Balancing Act

by Jena Bartley (jenab)



Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Canon Compliant, Duty, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 19:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5598121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenab/pseuds/Jena%20Bartley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Colby has spent most of his life burying parts of himself deep inside himself out of duty to his country.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Balancing Act

**Author's Note:**

  * For [swingandswirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/swingandswirl/gifts).



Colby has spent most of his life burying parts of himself deep inside himself out of duty to his country.

During his time in the army, it was his desire for men. Under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell he learned to ignore the spike of awareness when another man smiled at him, an invitation clear in his eyes. He became an expert at repressing the shiver of desire when a man deliberately brushed up against him. 

It became so ingrained in him, that Colby forgot what it was like to want. Even when he became a civilian, free from the military’s constraints, Colby didn’t even think to act on his longing. 

By that time, he’d joined the FBI’s Counterintelligence Division to find a mole in the Department of Justice. He spent years undercover, focussed on his mission, and never letting himself open up enough to let someone deep into his life. 

Then his mission came to an end, successful, though it almost killed him. He had the pick of assignments now, a glowing recommendation on his record of his triumph. He could have gone anywhere of his choosing.

Instead, Colby chose to stay with Don’s team in LA. Because he was tired of hiding all that he was. And because he liked his life here in LA and the team he was on, even though he had to rebuild the trust with them that he had destroyed.

It took time until he was fully accepted back into the team. In that time, Colby had to unlearn all the ways he’d developed to keep his desires and wants hidden. He had to learn what it was like to put himself first for a change instead of his duty to his country and others. 

He rediscovered what it was like to want another man. To actually acknowledge that shiver of awareness when Ian Edgerton looked at him with something more than professional interest. 

It wasn’t the first time Ian had looked at him that way. Never once had he pushed for more and Colby let himself ignore his own awareness of the other man. 

Now, Colby let himself look back for the first time in a long time. Then he did more than look, Ian meeting him halfway. 

He found it freeing to actually let himself act on his desire. To let himself enjoy the feeling of Ian’s hands and mouth on him, filling Colby up with so much pleasure he became lost to hi. 

There were also the quiet moments between them, the feel of Ian next to him as Colby fell asleep. Dinner at the Eppes home or out with the team, Ian’s hand warm on his thigh. 

Colby had finally found a way to balance his need to serve his country with his refusal to no longer hide parts of himself because of that duty. 

His reward was this new life rich with friends, his team and Ian.


End file.
